HAI~ Rough ride..

i sort of hate myself, you know ?? everytime i think i am over it, i will have some weird dream or some flashbacks.. argh !! got to get help.. ALICIA !!! hai~

went to Kbox today, to let yun han and cheryl prepare for project superstar. listen to them and Fun sheng sing all the emo songs plus the dream i had last night equals me in unstable condition. got angry at cheryl for nothing. dun know why too. hai~ guess some part of me still wonders.. Reb is being really nice to talk to me now. kinda funny cos my ex was never on my list. guess i should have followed my policies.

Didnt sms Fo ler today.. was late to wake her up this morning.. i fell asleep at 12, i was suppose to wake her up at 1 AHHA.. in the end i woke up at 430 AM!! i looked at the time and was totally stun.. straight away sms her ask her if she is awake.. lucky she was already studying, sms her for a while till i finally fell back asleep at 530.. HAHA come to think of it, she is really really cute. i feel really comfortable around her when we were working.

Tai zi is really sick of everything. he needs a break. jsut one lucky break. please.. he wont give or give up. he only asks for one more lucky break. he knows what he has to prepare for now. things were not what he thought.

Tai zi is struggling now.. He has got 3 cravings to handle. Smoke, Drink and play.. this 3 i promised someone i wont do or do too much. i mean to keep my promises to her. wait.. i always try to keep my promises. everytime my dad lights up in the house. i feel like going over and take a puff. BUT NO !! i wont give in.. this craving has been with me for years.. my family's first born son always smokes and drinks. its been like this for afew generations.. and the other sons are guai kias. i wont smoke !!! argh !! i gave in to drinking le. now its time to go back till the time when i was before poly. till that nice guy again. even with my scars..