spring break is almost over, meaning i will leave this company soon which is a good thing. but that is like the only good thing that has happen this spring break.
too many things have happened and too many things have changed. nothings the same anymore and i cant trust or reply on anyone other than helmet and lesbo.
i hate the me now. i guess in that one year with her, i really changed so much that now, i cant change back ! ARGH !!! FUCK... cheap thrills dun work any more. FUCK !! how am i suppose to pass my days ?? ARGH.. i am jsut waiting to go back to school at least then i can do something i love, the days will jsut be me and my basketball. Life is seriously fucked up.. days are boring and the nights never end.
ARGH.. can something just happen and make my life interesting again ? i miss the club. so many plans, so little time.. i miss everyone.
I hate it when i am so unsettled. It must be nice to behind one of those mask you freaks wear, pretend to be nice then go around talking bad about other people. behind that mask noone really knows what you are thinking. wait till one day you people find out the true about your dear friends.
i got to wait 2 weeks before any hope of things getting better or you can shoot me in the head now :)
"the strongest person is not one who goes through the most but the one who recovers from it"
i find myself asking the same qn over and over. sometimes i wonder if i have the right to ask that qn. after thinking for long periods of time, i will only say this, we have different styles. our team had one style and you have ours. we were pushed to our limits and further but we stepped up our game. maybe its our fault for not pushing you guys enough and now that i think of it, we really didnt.
it is our fault for being to liberal with you guys ?? i seriously need to know. someone !! tell me !!
well, orietation is over. lets just leave it as that. next up our inter-dip basketball. i am thinking of names for the IC. but... i can only think of 4. amazing eh ?? i hope i dun get scolded for thinking of names so fast HAHA.
Life wise.. the road is still long, walking it is some what tiring but i am getting there. working real hard for an A in IPP. family's doing much better, it was mum's birthday yesterday and i totally blew her off. hai~ well, for the club..
i seriouly cant wait to go back to school. things are done so much easier when we were all in school. Nevermind, learning to work from distance is one of the skills we have learnt.
god i am talking about the club again. we all love this club and everyone in it. sometimes we run in people we dun quite agree with but always remember that their starting point is good. we have to understand each other and work together. like for me, i am jsut one nosiy retard and for alot of the times i make a fool of myself. A big thank you to the other excos who keep me in check :) though i may seem like i am not happy but i am jsut tired. so no worries !!
we all love this club and all of you. we really want to see you use that leadership that we see in all of you. everyone's style is different but each and everyone of you are needed to make this work. we are all watching you grow and our phones and doors are open to you. if you want to know how more you should grow or if you guys need a talk about anything, we are family, so jsut look for us alright ?? but then again noone will look for a nosiy retard right ??
"if you can give 120% then maybe you havent really given your TRUE 100%"
for the past months i have been acting weird. i know, i know i didnt seem myself. sorry that i have been so fustrated and keep so much to myself because this is a burden that noone can help me carry. I am sorry all of you whom i have pissed off. i jsut couldnt act normally seeing him like that.
from about when it was new year, my grandfather has been acting really weird and all of us knew something was going to happen. he seemed to be growing weaker and weaker everyday. it was so hard to just watch as doctors couldn't do anything to make him better again. then one day when we were alone, my dad told me that my grandfather had jsut vommited blood and black stuff. that jsut shocked me. its really painful to hear something like that. my friends at work, i am sorry that i just cant smile at work anymore. for my club mates, i am sorry that i scolded you guys instead of motivating you guys to be better. to eve, sorry that i was such a horrible guy, i know i dun deserve anything so its better that you get away from me. i spent whatever time i had trying to be there for him that i forgot and mistreated you guys. i am sorry. it was jsut really hard to see him suffer.
well.. he has passed on now. as of 12:35 on the first of april, his suffering has ended. i am glad that he doesnt need to do all those injections and he doesnt need to vommit out things anymore but we will all miss him. he is in a better place, he is not suffering anymore, is what i tell myself. i really should have thanked him, if it was not for his harsh treatment and lessons, i would have never turned out to be who i am today. i sometimes see who i might have become in some people and i am glad that he forsaw it and hit he when he did. Thank you.
my life.. is in a mess. eve and i have broken up and i have and orientation to supervise next week. work is still stressful but finishing. there seems like there is not bright side to look forward to but i will keep walking forward, as he has always taught me.
to those who knew : thanks for all the support you gave me. i really needed it.
to those i offended : i am sorry for anything that i have done.
to all : i will be back to normal soon !! i promise !!
sometimes i dun know if people read what they write. "trust" and "not believing" just dun go in the same sentence. i have never lied but i admit i have not told the whole truth. there are somethings that i wont show to anyone. ok maybe my VP and best buddy know and i am thankful for the support they give me through all this. lets just say its a "family problem". it isn't easy to take and its hard to keep standing up after being pushed down but i am still standing and i am still working. i wanted to wait till everything was settled before i told anyone, like how i handled it the last time but it seems that we were just not strong enough. i am just so tired but with a new angel looking down on me, i press on. the pain and suffering i saw everyday has somehow been lifted. i am better now..
i just finish the ideas for VP's speech last night. finished "you are here" also. there is no one for me right now so the books have lost their X factor. right now i am reading them just for the storyline, they dun make me think anymore. i have to look on the bright side. at least by this sunday my second biggest heartache will be settle and a part of me will be at peace.
