I am sorry..

for the past months i have been acting weird. i know, i know i didnt seem myself. sorry that i have been so fustrated and keep so much to myself because this is a burden that noone can help me carry. I am sorry all of you whom i have pissed off. i jsut couldnt act normally seeing him like that.

from about when it was new year, my grandfather has been acting really weird and all of us knew something was going to happen. he seemed to be growing weaker and weaker everyday. it was so hard to just watch as doctors couldn't do anything to make him better again. then one day when we were alone, my dad told me that my grandfather had jsut vommited blood and black stuff. that jsut shocked me. its really painful to hear something like that. my friends at work, i am sorry that i just cant smile at work anymore. for my club mates, i am sorry that i scolded you guys instead of motivating you guys to be better. to eve, sorry that i was such a horrible guy, i know i dun deserve anything so its better that you get away from me. i spent whatever time i had trying to be there for him that i forgot and mistreated you guys. i am sorry. it was jsut really hard to see him suffer.

well.. he has passed on now. as of 12:35 on the first of april, his suffering has ended. i am glad that he doesnt need to do all those injections and he doesnt need to vommit out things anymore but we will all miss him. he is in a better place, he is not suffering anymore, is what i tell myself. i really should have thanked him, if it was not for his harsh treatment and lessons, i would have never turned out to be who i am today. i sometimes see who i might have become in some people and i am glad that he forsaw it and hit he when he did. Thank you.

my life.. is in a mess. eve and i have broken up and i have and orientation to supervise next week. work is still stressful but finishing. there seems like there is not bright side to look forward to but i will keep walking forward, as he has always taught me.

to those who knew : thanks for all the support you gave me. i really needed it.

to those i offended : i am sorry for anything that i have done.

to all : i will be back to normal soon !! i promise !!