Fine again..

well, its been afew days..
better now :)

i reflected..
i feel that for the last year, i was operating on autopilot. without my emotions. that night.. the box, that i hid my emotions in, broke and i was flooded. the waters have subsided and my brain is at a calm again. i can think more properly now. i can feel the past coming back. i will be back soon.

well, when i msged her. i took a chance. i was turned down. as i told jean, no amount of love can bring back someone who doesnt want to come back. well, i guess that was it.. i give up on my dream and time to grow up and be realistic again. part of me is really disappointed but i guess god does hate me.

focus.. there are goals to be achieved. time to be SLOW not shi long. emotions are good but i have responsiblities to take care of now. atonement started a long time ago but i got to work harder now. i leave everything to fate..

STUPID STUPID STUPID !!

i know i miss her and i still went to read her blog.
stupid move..
but it explains the dreams..
why do i love all her bad traits like they were her best ??
someone slap me..
or kill me..
this is too much to handle !!!

A long time...

its been a month. i have avoided coming back here cos.. well.. you know..

argh.. confusion stirs my thoughts. i wana be the best again. i am under alot of pressure and i guess i got to soak it up. work hard !!!

i feel very lost.. i used to work so hard for someone. thus no matter how hard i had to fight for something or how much hours i had to put in, it was worth it. just to see her smile. there was always a future in the distance.

now ?? i dun even know why i am still trying.. for myself ?? for my goals ?? i guess.. but whats after that ?? its days like this i miss your hugs and smiles..

but i guess its not meant to be..
smile because it happened that's what i tell myself.
enough tears had been shed..

That day draws near..

god..
these dreams wont let me go..

why..
need i be tormented by these false hopes

is..
there really a future ??

she..
is doing well i hope..

not..
going to be the same on that day..

here..
i wished it was real.